Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Funeral For a One-Sided Friendship

Please, please!

don't believe what you hear

or what you see

the sea lies next to me

and I lie next to it

but we don't speak

we let the clouds, the foam

and the moon

lie in between


I am a mess

the stress of fixing my blank gaze

for hours at a time

in a direct straight line

on that empty space

where your big black eyes

used to stare back at mine

has taken its toll

on my inner peace


It's autumn where I roam

but it's winter deep inside

my old soul

and I'm cold

I've been thinking about you lately

on how the whole thing ended

the way I disappeared

and the way I blended

with the pavement


All along

you were guilty of doing the thing

you falsely accused me of:

I didn't fit your mold and more

I wasn't who you thought I was

I was not afraid

to slam on the brakes

as you, yourself wisely said

and stake my claim


Mistakes were made

you chose a capricious affair

over a BFF

you chose a cheap thrill

over substance and free will

I would feel pain and disappointment

if I weren't so sad and despondent

I love you still

for the reasons I've made clear


I realize and understand now

that I don't have you near

all the things you had expected

the things you needed to say

the things I didn't want to hear

in the end, my dear

"The truth is never sad"

it is just what it is

and nothing more than that


The End.









© Copyright 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Elle

She
Is not like anybody
or anyone
but similar and familiar
not unlike the dimple
on the dark side
of the moon,
OUR moon!
The one we sat on
when we got drunk
on each other's words
and vertical smiles
of some sort
She
is bright
like a hundred suns
but half as abrasive
and twice as decisive
She
contemplates,
calculates
and measures
with steely eyes
and anal-retentive
precision
the width and depth
of her open wound,
tosses the dice
in its surroundings
and then arrives
standing on one leg
at the hasty decision
to ignore the matter
and slam-shut the issue
only to slip
a short time later
and fall heart-first
time and time again
on the remaining scar tissue
uttering noises,
loud voices, grunts and hisses
like the fucking rain
in Spain
which dances
mainly
on a rusty zinc roof
instead of the plain
like the tongue twister
mistakenly explains
She
clutches a fistful
of emotions
like dead roses
with live thorns
that bleed and linger,
dead ringers
with knots and horns
for knuckles
and wooden sticks
for fingers
She
Looks into the emptiness
of my tired eyes
and my crooked smile
and manages to find
a few words
worth climbing into
worth hanging on to
worth stumbling over
She
Says "I am"
and "forgive me"
too many times
so many, in fact
to make me suspicious,
which I already am
She
sleeps with the fishes
writes like an angel
cuts like a pair of scissors
drops kick like a ninja
curses like a sailor
looks like a princess
fights like a pitbull
disregards rituals
dreams in full color
with her legs wide open
to a faint notion,
an infatuation,
a capricious desire,
an obsession
so strange and appealing
in her eyes
worth giving
more than
her attention
and a few tears
perhaps
a few years,
perhaps a few months
perhaps none
She
Is true-blue
and hell-bent,
determined
and resolute
Content?
Hell no!
She
says She can't be happy
all of the time
I used to think she would
if she only could
but these days
I'm not so sure.











Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Low Balance Threshold


I felt weak on my knees

my heart sat defiantly

directly across from me

sipping tea, apparently

not a care in the world

I asked him about her

he took a massive gulp

he hesitated for a while

and said he didn't know

and that he didn't care

and added with a scowl

that if I cared that much

I should find out myself

I called him a big fat liar

he told me he was sorry

that to make her happy

is like walking on a wire

she had dumped him

and spoke among tears

she's the best thing that

ever happened to me!

He said he was down

that it hurt to see her go

he was wearing a frown

because he grew to love

the very ground she walked on

This story has no writer and no end,

we were born to love each other but instead

I'm asking her: Why can't we be just friends?










Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

True Romance

What does Love mean to you?
...I asked you first!
You don't know, do you?
Me neither!
This isn't a competition
I get it!
You have brains and genitals
and they work!
So what else is new?
so does everyone else
perhaps not as fast as yours
or as pragmatic or as pretty
You had to show me
didn't you?
But it's not your fault
I wanted just to Love
but you want me to Fuck
your brains out
I wanted to show you
a man's love
for a woman
he doesn't know
because I equate
Love to Love
and Fucking
to Making Love
is what I understand
at my core
Is what I feel
Fuck me
and you'll see
what I mean
I can't explain it
in plain words
I wanted to teach you
I wanted to let you know
What I thought Love was
at the time ...but
I've changed my mind
since then
Now I just want
to Fuck you!
You and what you want
might be correct
so in the end
you win
But then again,
so am I and what I want
Do you still believe
you're the hunter
in this human game?
If so, you're wrong
again!
and so am I
But you lose
only because I know
already
how the game ends
And if you're as smart
as life has led you
to believe
surrender to Love
and let the idea go
like you say
you would
Either you believe
in Love
or else
you believe
in Fucking
...which is not
a bad thing after all
You just can't have it
both ways
Not with me
anyways
because I am
nothing
but just
another man
but not 'that' man
The truth doesn't hurt
it just can't be avoided







Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Over The Hill And Far Away

If I lived long enough to see your sunlight coming through
the pitch black window of my crazy heart
I would probably fail to fully enjoy its radiance
and appreciate the brilliance of its youth in full splendor
to stop and wonder why me?, why now?, why here? ...or
why didn't this happen to me long ago?
Sad to admit it, sadder still to realize my ill will
I would keep it instead hidden from myself
and from my twisted and cynical ilk
perhaps between the yellow pages of an unread book
flattened and crisp forever, never to be seen
because you are not real
to me and I'm not
what you don't think
you think you need







Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

It Could be Magic If It Weren't Tragic

She is a woman child
with a penchant for life
and contradictions
with a curiously strong
desire for experience
and experimentation
with the zeal and the spunk
of an impractical girl
with dilated pupils
and a hunger for Love

But not just any old feeling, no
she wants the kind
that doesn't grow
in her garden
...or in mine
She thinks a practical person
should disregard the magic
of the human heart
but she's sadly mistaken
and she knows that
and so she's just dying
to prove herself wrong
contradicting herself
and declaring herself lost

I can forgive her for not believing
in the mysteries of Love,
or for lying to herself
...I might as well
her experience in this field
is limited to what she hasn't felt
if not for my penchant for a good fight
because exchanging blows with her
brings me out of my old shell,
springs me back to life
and letting her win a bout or two
is half the fun of watching her
become a sharper version
of her 'practical' self
which at best, from where I stand
it's far from empirical, yet cute
and at worst, from where I hide
it's childish behavior
disguised as bravery or boldness
or both
...but charming,
nonetheless
...I hope






Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Sweetest Mistake I've Never Made

You breathed your open soul into a a see-thru plastic bag
and I dove hopelessly and willfully into your throbbing mouth
before you said a word edgewise to me, in fact
before you shot your wet dream to the center of my south

Me and my old beating friend had a "face to face"
then I went ahead and broke it into itty, bitty little pieces
to save you the trouble of doing it yourself, I guess
before the temperature of this sweet mistake increases

I set my washing machine to "spin", my ray-gun to "stun"
I limited our potential to "maybe", our possibilities to none
before your eyes spoke to me through poems and songs
before my big mouth opened, I told her she was done and gone

Not an easy decision to implement by any means, 'you know?
and I hope to dear old God (if there's such a thing as heaven)
that you may get to enjoy a long and blissful life and more
and that mine gets shorter than short if I must live it only to regret it






Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

She Said, He Said

She said I said:
"Follow me, and I will lead you"
I actually said: "I'll follow you to the end of this world"

She said I said:
"I will love you forever and beyond"
I actually said: "I'm in such a dire need of some form of love"

She said I said:
"Nothing will change the way I feel"
I actually said: " No one can possibly know what the future holds"

She said I said:
"Love is more than enough to get us through life"
I actually said that but I was dead wrong,
we also needed, sex, money, food, patience, and art

In that particular order.






Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Who Are You and What Have You Done with My Wife?

I want so badly to live in your world
for a day or two at most
I want to watch your moonlight
I want to see the sun rise
from your vantage point
I want to know what it feels like
I want to experience your mood swings
I want to see the things you see
the premonitions you envision
and the silly thoughts you think
I want to crack open your mind
I want to take a look inside
I want to dream your dreams at night
as soon as you close your loving eyes
for just a little while


It seems crazy from this end
to fight like cats and dogs
such a waste of time and energy
when we should be making love
the choices you don't make
the risks you don't take
the cash you won't spend
I can't understand any of it
I say I do but I don't
but what I really want to know
is how you function in this planet
I want to wear your dress
to do my hair the way you do yours
and to walk in your shoes
for a block or two, and no more

I love you but I don't know you
which I guess is all fine
'cause you don't know me either
and as far as I know
when it comes to the law
ignorance is not a crime






Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Monday, June 14, 2010

Strange Rhyme

It is a very strange time
I must agree with the man
who said life is fast
but love has many legs
I don't know from right
to left, to center, to me
and all I do is think
what a strange time it is
for I can't name this joy
i feel








Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Letter To A Dear Friend or Close Relative

The things you do to convince yourself you are still alive
are standing in the way of living
At this point you have nothing to prove to anyone, anymore
not even to you, yourself. You're stuck and bleeding
There's no way you don't know
How is it that I can see this for what it is and you're oblivious to it?
This did not start as poetry, let me assure you
nor am I that dense to call it so and yet,
your life is imitating art and stinks of tragedy
I might as well call this a sad song and call it a day








Copyright © 2001/2010 Alberto Ruiz. All rights reserved